


If You Wait Long Enough

by Precussors



Category: Jak and Daxter
Genre: Angst, Grief/Mourning, M/M, Torn finds jak's scarf and it brings back sad memories, this is basically just Torn reflecting on Jak being exiled
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-30
Updated: 2017-05-30
Packaged: 2018-11-06 23:08:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 942
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11046249
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Precussors/pseuds/Precussors
Summary: He collapsed because Jak wasgone. Exiled. Thrown out like yesterday’s garbage by the very people whose lives he had fucking saved.





	If You Wait Long Enough

**Author's Note:**

> I'm so excited to be posting this, my first work!! If this piece looks familiar to you, it's because it was originally posted on my tumblr under the title "Gone".

Every night in his dreams, Jak came back to him. Every time his mind wandered, Jak came back to him. Anytime he was allowed even a second to actually _think,_ Jak was who he thought about.

It was a nightmare.

Torn wished he could forget him. Fuck, he wished he had never met the kid. It would’ve made this whole fucking thing so much easier. It would’ve meant that he wouldn’t be sat on his ass on the floor of the empty HQ, shoulders slumped forward and head hung low.

It had only hurt a little bit when he’d collapsed. He hadn’t meant to, but rummaging for an old map at the bottom of one of the multitude of wooden boxes in the room had rendered him something that had nearly stopped his heart.

There, completely in tatters and covered in a thin layer of mud and sawdust, was Jak’s first red scarf. The one that Daxter had given him after breaking him out of prison, one of the first pieces of clothing that Jak could entirely call his own. The first piece of clothing Torn had noticed when he’d met Jak in that dead end alleyway all those months ago.

With everything the scarf had been through in the short time after that, it quickly fell to ruin. It didn’t bother Jak. He had simply found a new one. But he hadn’t tossed it. No, instead he had kept it, for whatever reason. Jak wasn’t exactly the sentimental type, but he had kept the scarf, kept it in this box full of water-damaged papers and empty vulcan casings, quickly and easily forgotten.

Until Torn had found it. His body froze at the sight of it, afraid to touch it in all honesty. As if touching it might confirm what he already knew, yet what he desperately hoped to be false. As if touching something from the past, as if remembering _Jak_ from the past, would only make the present more real.

His right arm reached forward slowly, his fingers shaking as he picked it up. Despite its state, it was still soft to the touch. He brushed away some of the dirt and gave a dull chuckle at the few strands of ottsel fur still clinging to it.

Torn held it in front of him for a moment, his whole body unmoving except for his eyes, which were scanning the thing rapidly. Even his lungs seemed to have stopped. With a jerky and unsure movement, he brought it closer to his body, hesitating for a second before finally pressing the scarf to his face and breathing in deep.

And then he collapsed. His knees gave out first and sent him to the ground, legs splaying out whichever way they saw fit while his left hand still clutched the edge of the box weakly.

He collapsed because the scarf still smelt like Jak. After all this time, it still smelt like his _lover_.

It had hit him so forcefully, so entirely. The raw, sharp smell of eco and the lingering smell of soot and smoke, and even the faintest trace of ottsel—it forced the memories back up like a chain hauling him back against his will.

He collapsed because Jak was _gone_. Exiled. Thrown out like yesterday’s garbage by the very people whose lives he had fucking saved.

Torn had absolutely seen red that day, but Jak had held him back with a gentle hand around his wrist. There was fury in Jak’s eyes too, hatred, but not in his actions. No, instead, he had accepted it, and spent his last moments in Haven City with Torn, their foreheads pressed together with nothing to say.

The phantom feel of Jak’s fingers against his face crept up on Torn in that moment, forcing him to remember once more. His lips had been shaking with barely concealed fear that day, but Jak’s fingers were sure and strong when he’d cupped Torn’s cheeks to give him one final kiss.

Torn’s vision started to blur as the tears formed. The memory _hurt_.

“I miss you,” he whispered into the emptiness. His voice was nothing more than a pained rasp and his lips were shaking almost as bad as that day.

His mind began frantically searching for some kind of hope to wash away the horrible thoughts that were starting to rear their heads again. There was a chance Jak was still alive, wasn’t there? Surely Jak, the man who could do literally anything, could survive the Wasteland? Easily even.

But that was just Torn’s incessant hoping and praying. It was unrealistic is what it was, and in the middle of a war, that kind of thinking was dangerous.

In all probability, Jak was dead, and Torn knew it.

He’d heard the stories of those exiled to the Wasteland. How it was nothing but sand and rock, stretching on and on and on and _on_ , forever. He’d heard the stories of the burning sun, the way it inconspicuously beat you down, made your feet heavy and your mind unclear. It slowed you until it finally burned you whole. And he’d heard the stories of the storms. Not even Jak could survive having his skin ripped clean off his body.

Torn scowled at that thought, at the image of a mangled Jak left out in the desert for the sand to fill his wounds and cover him whole, sweep him away forever.

He clutched the scarf tighter as a fresh wave of tears hit him, a silent cry forcing its way from his body. He had to start living in reality.

Jak was dead.

Jak was _dead_.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading!! There may or may not be a part two, I haven't decided yet. Come say hi to me on [tumblr](https://precussors.tumblr.com/) if you want :)


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